i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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