what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im part way to drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
