My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
