apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize