Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And then he peed in my hair
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
