how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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