I love black thongs
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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