therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
