just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
