I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
