you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
