I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
