watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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