Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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