he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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