make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
