matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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