So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
