I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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