if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
