hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
