Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
