in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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