I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
