Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
