ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
