i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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