just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize