yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
