batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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