You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
