i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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