Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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