We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
