i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
