You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
