She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
