He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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