When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
