the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize