my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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