I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
