You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
