No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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