I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
