Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
