why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize