There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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