hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize