Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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