tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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