yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
