just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
