i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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