So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
