she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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