bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
