Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this is an emotional support booty call
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
