Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
