Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
