Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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