Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
