I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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