Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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