he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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