I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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