I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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