Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just made me feel so damn special
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
