She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
