Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Two words: nipple clamps
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