Just fell off a train. Bad.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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