I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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