You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
