Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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