He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
