Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
