How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
