he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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