There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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