i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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