my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
