Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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