I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
