no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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