i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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