Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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