She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
