You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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