You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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