I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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