My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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