Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
