You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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