Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She bit a glass in half.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
