I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
