You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
