Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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