college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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