I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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