i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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